


America Offline

by Holy_Leonards



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Cartridge tilting, Crack, Drugs, Fisting, Gen, LSD, Masturbation, Meat Beat Mania, Robot Drugs, Trippy, dial up, glitch - Freeform, unsolicited narration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:54:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7263223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick develops some interesting programs for robots only. Hancock gets super jealous and tries his hardest to experience those programs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	America Offline

Nate’s Dugout Inn room was hot, humid. Empty, spare a dresser, the bed, and one inhabitant. Clutter free, but far from clean.

Nate’s hair had grown quite a bit since being thawed. Once, cropped closely to his skull; now, bunched up in an elastic, pushing against the pillow, digging between spine vertebrae. He’d get it cut soon. It was getting too hot, as the days got longer.

His zipper came undone with a click, click, click. A hand pushed past a waistband.

“Fuck, Nick,” he breathed. Face already itchy from the heat.

“The fantasies come thick and fast. A meat beating aficionado in a lonely Inn, in a phony baloney town-”   
“Jesus Christ! Are you narrating my life again!?”

“I...”

“We’ve been through this, Rod. You know I hate it when you do that.”

“I’m sorry. I just… love watching men beat off. And talking about it.”

“Well, go find another guy to harass!”

Rod’s frown deepened the wrinkles in his face.

“Creep, get out! There’s the door!”

The shorter of the two made that trademark pained face.

“Just use the door, door-user.”

Humiliated, Rod has left the building.

“I need someone to help me find myself, my inner self.” Rod paced around the Diamond City. Red, neon lights bathing him. “Wait...” He read the sign. “Detectives find people!”

  
  


“Are you trying to get me arrested,” Nick barked, pretty hand over Rod’s mouth. “You can’t narrate this stuff!”

Serling broke free from the synth’s grasp. “What’s your problem?”

“My problem is you announcing my illegal activities to all of Diamond City.”

Both men, smoking and talking out the side of their mouths.

“Alright, can you keep a secret?”

Naughty Roddy nodded.   
“You know how I’m good with computers and programming? Well, I’m starting a new market: drugs for robots.”

Rowdy Roddy Serling was intrigued.

“Whether a Fisto or a synth, all robots have a slot for holotapes.” Valentine pulled down his pants, bent over, and pulled a cartridge from between his cheeks. “Ugh!” he grunted, as he wiggled the tape out.

Nick mulled over his experience with it. “Could be stronger.”

He got back to work, plugging the holotape into a terminal. The room filled with the sound of typing, and the computer’s whir.

“If this is a brand new thing, how are there laws against it already?”

The synth stared. “That. Is. A great point!”

When Valentine finished programming, he turned to Rod. “Things can get a little trippy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The synth blew into the cartridge. “That outta do it.” He slot the item back in his ass.

A second passed.

Two seconds passed.

“Huh,” Rod said. “I guess it didn’t work.”

“Damn, I almost had it too.” He began pulling the holotape from his body. “Shit!” His eyes got wide. “I tilted it.”

Before anyone could say anything out the side of their mouths, Nick emitted a horrible sound. Hisses, bings, high pitches. Like using Dial-up.

“Nick, you okay?”

“You’ve got mail.” The voice was not the Detective’s.

Suddenly, Nick’s limbs flailed. His body twitched, convulsed.

“Enough with the spams, GoldenEye 007.”

Nick did not enoughed with the spasms.

“Should I-should I call a doctor? A car mechanic?” Rod approached the phone. “Wait! Nick’s modem’s using the power lines. Fuck!”

The movement stopped. “Wow! What a rush!” Nick said.

There was a meaty knock at the door. A ghoul face popped in.

“I smelled something...sweet coming from here.”

He gave a wink and the skin above his eye tore a little.

“Keep it down, Hancock! Or you'll make what I am doing illegal, right Rod?”

Rod nodded.

Hancock slipped in and shut the door. He looked at the pieces of holotape and the computers all over Nick's desk.

“Hey, buddy, this doesn't look like what I smelled.”

“Well, it is. But, it is not for you. I am make feel goodies for robots.”

“For robots only!? Why I-”

He pulled out two tins of mentats and swallowed them without any water.

“I don't need your programming and computations to get me high! I can uhh...I can...oh, fuck, who am I kidding? Mentats haven't been doing it for me lately. I am getting zero from the two tins I just dropped right now. You gotta help me, Nick!”

“Sorry, robots only.”

“Then I will become the robot!”

Hancock stormed out. Nick turned to talk to Rod, but he was gone.

 

 

Hancock was snooping around the Memory Den thinking over how he was going to ask for what he wanted.

“Will they think I am a creep if I want to be turned into a robot? Probably. But I need to! I must!”

He walked in a ghoul and, two hours later, came out a man! I mean, he came out a robot! Well, not quite.

“I hope this slot does the trick.”

 

 

Hancock meatily knocked on Valentine's door again and slipped in.

“Did you come back here to try desperately shove one of these in your ass or something?”

“In fact, I have. Look!”

Hancock dropped his trousers and bent over. He revealed his newest enhancement, a holotape slot. It was right where his asshole was supposed to be.

“My, my, Hancock, I should have known you would have tried that, or at least the mentats would have driven you to it.”

“I got this baby hardwired to my brain. It will allow me to take in and read any kind of holotape. And Nick, I mean _any_ kind.”

He gave a wink and the skin fell from above his eye to reveal the red muscle underneath.

“You can give it a try, if you want. I have just completed what I believe to be the most potent strain of, what I call, LSD 69.”

“LSD 69...I like the sound of that.”

“Imagine an orgasm on a boat while drinking a cocktail with actual cocks with tails in it. Couple that with three hits of mescaline and a couple pulls off of a marijuana cigarette and you have LSD 69.”

The synth and the ghoul turned around quick to see that Rod had said that.

“Stop sneaking up on us like that!”

They couldn't tell if Rod was actively making that pained face or if the wrinkles had ingrained that shape into his skin. He held his head down and left.

Hancock grabbed the drugotape and headed to the door.

“I'll give you a report on it in the morning.”

He booked it for his home in Goodneighbor

 

 

Visions. Things mentats could never produce.

“Wicked sick, brother.”

The ghoul stood up and took in the view. Trees as vivid as the scarred up flesh on his hand, but in swirling colors. People he knew but have never known. All in his filthy room in filthy Goodneighbor in the filthy wasteland.

“Nate-ate-ate-ate-ate-ate...”

He was looking around at them all. The room was filled to bursting with people, all with Nates' face.

“What-t-t-t-t-t.”

“Hancock-cock-cock-cock!”

They were grabbing at him in shades of purple. He could feel his brain slither out of his ear and onto each of the faces of Nate. He was educating them. They could see what he was seeing.

Boom! Pink body parts flew out of the room and he was alone...except for the rock. It was a green rock with a yellow top. It grew and could breathe and contained all of the secrets to rebuilding society.

“Come on in, John.”

Hancock couldn't speak. Nobody could speak in the presence of such an awesome vessel of the unknown.

Hancock tried to pry open the side of the rock. His hands melted and left stumps. The liquid pooling at his feet and solidifying to make some 'Cock socks.

“You still do not know, young one.”

Hancock just stared.

“I will give you this freebee. I do everything...anally.”

The rock rolled over to reveal a swirling and flashing butthole. Hancock reached with his right stump and penetrated. Immediately information passed straight into his head. Orgies, pylons, sawhorses, mininukes, synths. All that would make humanity great again. But he was not able to understand.

“You psychedelic vocabulary is still in its infant stage, young one. Patience and devotion will bring you closer to the truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-”

Everything dropped to the ground and Hancock came to. He was on the floor with his pants down and the sun was burning his face.

“How long was I gone?”

He looked at the clock. It read 10:15 A.M.

“20 hours! Groovy.”

“Here lies a man with synthetic parts. Using those parts for sin, he lays here now recollecting the unrecollectable. Never truly knowing if he had that encounter with the big rock or if he had just anally masturbated and over reacted.”

“You again, Rod!”

Rod lifted up his fists.

“I won't let you kick me out. Can't a veteran have his harmless hobbies without having to fight for his life.”

Hancock leaped forward and tackled Rod. He had pushed off too hard and ended up bringing Rod down with him as he fell out of the window of the building. They both died on impact.

Nothing else was heard of LSD 69. After that, the people of the Commonwealth agreed that the robot drug had caused him to act violently towards a human and it was outright banned. Nick was ratted out and executed by firing squad. Nate continued masturbating in rented rooms until he just couldn't beat it no more.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Believe it or not, this is actually not an episode of the Night Gallery that I decided to adapt to fanfiction. Weird, I know.


End file.
